South Africa has 596 000km of roads and the replacement value of the country’s road network is estimated to be R1.047-trillion.  “South Africa’s roads need R100-billion spent on them to eliminate maintenance backlogs and current levels of funding are only a quarter of what is needed to maintain the country’s road network into the future.

It is obvious that the cost of operating a vehicle on poor roads is double that of good roads in terms of fuel, maintenance, delays and crashes. “Road conditions have being assessed using the Visual Condition Index which expresses the condition of a road from 0 (very poor, requires reconstruction) to 100 (very good). About 60% of national roads are in poor or very poor condition. The overall VCI for South Africa’s roads dropped from 65 in 1998 to 46 in 2008. “The report clearly shows that, in the long term, regular annual maintenance that prevents road deterioration costs about a quarter of allowing a road to deteriorate until it needs reconstruction. We need R32-billion a year to keep our roads in good shape – 1.5 percent of GDP. This is far less that the cost of traffic crashes, unnecessary road reconstruction and losses by the transport industry resulting from poor roads. If we don’t get serious about road maintenance now, in 30 years we might not have any sealed roads left to maintain.

These so called healers have taken on the western ways to a degree.  They advertize via countless flyers on the street corners and at intersection you are bombarded with chaps handing out more advertizing material.

Now they offer sick notes too.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will the city officials budget for inner city streets to be cleaned up.

Revealing this at a media briefing on Thursday, Safety and Security Minister Nathi Mthethwa said that the passport will have “highly complex security features”. Minister of Home affairs, Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula declined to say what the features were, adding that even she did not know.

However Justice Minister Enver Surty at the same briefing said that cabinet had been briefed about the security features, a revelation that prompted Mapisa-Nqakula to say yes, she knew about the watermarks and other things, but not all the features.

She said the new passports will be issued only as extant passports expire.

Mthethwa also told reporters that the anti-corruption unit in Home Affairs is continuing to work with the police and National Intelligence Agency to identify individuals involved in corruption and fraud within the department.

“During the 2008/09 financial year, 66 Home Affairs officials were arrested,” he said, “and a further 18 suspended on allegations of fraud.” (The joys of affirmative action)

South African visitors to Britain have had to be in possession of a visa because of British concerns over the security of South African passports.

What a thumbsuck of a theory! Or is it a joke? A really bad one.

In case, you too had forgotten about crime in Joburg, go here to read the latest crime statistics for Gauteng.

When the reporter Mr Noitall Swimmingala from the anti-government Gauteng based tabloid, The Sowetan, questioned the ever elegant and charming Mr Manuel on as how he conceived this great national economy recovery plan, he said his wife, Maria told him that Zimbabwe has always been the forerunner in as far as the financial world trends are concerned. He stated, as he tugged on and adjusted the cuffs his Dior suit, that the Zimbabwean monetary policy has always been light years ahead of the rest of the world. He noted that while the world was “living it up’, the Zimbabweans were already discovering new ways to survive in a dark gloomy million percent inflation, cholera infected government induced recession.

Mr Manuel went on to iterate that the planned collapse of the world financial sector was sparked by the Zimbabwe crisis as the key holders to the global village have always followed the current climate trend as prescribed by the, as Mr Manuel lovingly described him, “The Zim financial wiz kid “ Mr Mugabe. “If you want to see South Africa in two years, take a trip across the Limpopo to the bread basket Mr Manual was quoted as saying.

Unfortunately Mr Mugabe was unable to attend this great moment in history, as he celebrating his solacetic and demure Australian government sponsored $285 000.00 birthday bash singing the chinese karaoke version of the old Woody Guthrie hit, “This land is mine” to his felicitous and cheerful designer bikini clad model material wife, Grace, at his modest eighty room dwelling in Harare.

Mr Tsvangarai, who is a VIP blue light guest of esteemed honour, was rumoured to be on back up vocals, disguised as a teen age doo-wap girl. Apparently Mr Tsvangarai will not make it through to the next round of the birthday bash karaoke singing contest as Mr Tsvangarai is constantly singing a different tune. This came as a shock to Mr Tsvangarai’s Zanu-pf supporters as he has other anxieties to deal with.

Mr Mugabe did however send one his top executive, counseling and group therapy aids, the honorable chief judge president executive financial and personal adviser Dr Sangoma “I put a spell on you” Samuel Mumbengegwi who was not invited to the karaoke birthday party, as he was eliminated in the first round, to sanctify the agreement.

Mr Manuel put the business community at ease when asked about the 6 billion rand loan to Zimbabwe and said that the loan will only be settled securely and unconditionally when the new currency comes into circulation at 12:00 on 1st March 2009. “We will also be paying the contractors of the world cup venue R70 000.00 bonus for completion and strike relief with the new currency. “ he was quoted as saying.

Mr Manuel, who throughout the launch was incessantly looking at his limited edition “countdown to Armageddon” Rolex watch, ,briefly thanked all those present and said that he and his lovely wife Maria are off to Lisbon on an extended holiday to take care of their newly acquired Ocean Basket franchise after he has completed his audition for Egoli and gratefully will not be flying with the constantly delayed international drug carrier.

The evening ended with the unveiling of the new rand to the sounds of gunshots followed by a scream and the police band leader playing a recording of the Koos Kombuis version of the once popular hit “Ons vir jou Siud Afrika” on a borrowed battery operated ghetto blaster connected to an stolen/recoverd ipod.

Julius Malema who woke up with a fright after a dipsomaniac nap at the end of the lavish affair, when approached for comment had this to say” MM, yes mm, uh I will kill for Zuma, mm yes we must, all mm. yes –where the f*ck am I- Oh’ yes everybody will be a millionaire- Vote CNA – Amada!”

In a statement, the department said those who had been declared dead will need to “provide a sworn affidavit and a full set of fingerprints”.

The department said it would take two weeks “for the process to be completed, as a detailed investigation is required”.

Home Affairs’ chief director of communications, Siobhan McCarthy, said the department was working closely with the Independent Electoral Commission to ensure information contained in the voters’ roll was valid.

McCarthy said the main causes of the “false death” problem were insurance fraud and corrupt officials who issued fraudulent death certificates.

“We have identified many cases where someone, often family member, declares a person dead to cash in on their life insurance . In some cases people in debt collude with another person to have themselves declared dead to avoid debt collectors,” she said.

McCarthy said the other main cause of the problem was collusion between Home Affairs officials and members of the public in the issuing of fraudulent death certificates.

She said the department was committed to rooting out corruption within its ranks through “the improvement of processes, the introduction of new systems and the activities of (its) counter-corruption unit”.

The department is addressing death fraud with assistance from the Health Practitioners Council of South Africa, South African Nursing Council, funeral parlours and traditional leaders.

“South Africans are urged to confirm their status prior to the April 22 election by calling the contact centre on 0800 60 11 90 or visiting their nearest Home Affairs office,” said McCarthy.

> Zuma’s Wives
> Number One
> Sizakele Khumalo – whom he met in 1959. She lives at his rural R1,5-million
> home at Nkandla in northern KwaZulu- Natal and they have no children.
> Ex-wife
> Foreign Affairs Minister Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma , with whom he had four
> children: Msholozi, 24, Gugu, 22, Thuli, 21 and Thuthi, 19. They divorced
> in June 1998 due to “irreconcilable differences.”
> Late wife
> Kate Zuma, with whom he had five children: Saady, 29, twins Duduzile and
> Duduzane both 25, Phumzile, 20 and Vusi.  She committed suicide on December
> 8, 2000 after apparent strained relations with Zuma.
> Still on honeymoon
> Nompumelelo Mantuli Zuma – whom he married in January. She has two children
> Thandiswe, 7 and eight month old Sinquobile.
> Waiting in the wings
> Thobeka Stacey Mabhija – with whom he has two children including a 5 month
> old baby.
> Mrs Jacob Zuma number six?
> Bongi Ngema – from Umlazi, has a seven month old son.
> Old flame
> Minah Shongwe – who is Zuma’s old flame. Shongwe, the sister of Judge
> Jeremiah Shongwe has a 30 year old son, Edward with Zuma.
> Left at the altar
> Zuma also paid half lobola for Swazi Princess Sebentile Dlamini, 38, the
> granddaughter of King Sobhuza III, in 2002 but nothing has come out of it.
>
> 4 Marriages, 1 Half Lobola, 3 sleeping partners and 15 children.
>
> And we worry about Steve Hofmeyer?

This man deserves the Nobel Prize in the ‘Common Sense’ category.

‘They’re standing on the corner and they can’t speak English.

I can’t even talk the way these people talk:

Why you ain’t,
Where you is,
What he drive,
Where he stay,
Where he work,
Who you be…

And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk.

And then I heard the father talk.

Everybody knows it’s important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can’t be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth
In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we’ve got these knuckleheads walking around.

The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.

These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids.

$500 sneakers for what?

And they won’t spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.

Where were you when he was 2?

Where were you when he was 12?

Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn’t know that he had a pistol?  

And where is the father? Or who is his father?

People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn’t that a sign of something gone wrong?

People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn’t that a sign of something?

Isn’t it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?

What part of Africa did this come from??

We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don’t know a thing about Africa …..

I say this all of the time.  It would be like white people saying they are  European-American.  That is totally stupid.

I was born here, and so were my parents and grand parents and, very likely my great grandparents.  I don’t have any connection to Africa, no more than white Americans have to Germany , Scotland , England , Ireland , or the Netherlands .  The same applies to 99 percent of all the black Americans as regards to Africa .  So stop,  already! ! !

With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap ……… and all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person’s problem.

We have got to take the neighborhood back.

People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different ‘husbands’ — or men or whatever you call them now.

We have millionaire football players who cannot read.

We have million-dollar basketball players who can’t write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.

Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us.

We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.

We cannot blame the white people any longer.’
Dr. William Henry ‘Bill’ Cosby, Jr., Ed.D.

WELL SAID, BILL
It’s NOT about color…

It’s about behavior!!!

I recall on “RRAAAACCCIIISSSTT” websites a while back, that it was stated that it won’t be long before ANC Justice takes it toll and Shaik is released looooong before he has paid his dues to society.
Judge for yourself:

Jacob Zuma’s former financial adviser, jailed businessman Schabir Shaik, could be home within months. Shaik, convicted on two counts of corruption and one of fraud, based on evidence of a corrupt relationship between himself and Zuma, was sentenced to 15 years in jail in 2005. In the two years and three months that he has been in jail, he has spent most of the time in either private or prison hospitals due to high blood pressure, depression and chest pains, which have been claimed to be life threatening. It appears that a section in the Criminal Procedure Act, which formed part of a ruling in the landmark 2007 Supreme Court of Appeal case of David Ashley Price versus the Minister of Correctional Services, could assist in Shaik’s release.

In the judgment, the court ruled that section 276A of the Criminal Procedure Act allowed for the conversion of imprisonment into correctional supervision in a case where a person had been sentenced to imprisonment for a period exceeding five years but the date of release was not more than five years in the future, and if the commissioner or a parole board was of the opinion that the person was fit to be subjected to correctional supervision. The act allows for an application to the clerk or registrar of the court for the prisoner to appear before a court to reconsider the sentence.In Shaik’s case, his earliest date of release would be seven-and-a-half years. He has already served two years and three months of the 15-year sentence, and in three months he would have served two-and-a-half years, meaning his earliest date of release would be less than five years “in the future”. If Shaik makes the application, the clerk or the registrar of the court must consult with the prosecutor and set the matter down for a specific date on the roll of the court concerned.After hearing the matter, the court may convert a sentence into correctional supervision on conditions which it deemed fit.Schabir Shaik’s brother Mo said his family were aware of the possibilities that the judgment presented and that their legal team were closely studying the judgment.Mo said his brother Schabir was extremely ill and that the family would continue to look at all possible avenues to get him released. Department of Correctional Services spokesperson Bheki Manzini on Friday said the department would need to read through the judgments because it would be difficult to comment as their interpretation of the Price judgment might differ.

JMPD Chief Superintendent Wayne Minnaar said yesterday the officer, 40, who has been in the service for 15 years, was arrested at his home in Diepkloof, Soweto, on December 20.

Supt Minnaar said he took the vehicle from JMPD premises at about 11pm and returned it at 5.30am several times after he was granted leave on December 15.

He said the officer was spotted by a colleague in Kensington on December 16 driving a state vehicle and in full uniform. He then tried to bribe his colleague not to report him to his superiors.

But JMPD director Sipho Dlepu found that the car was missing from its usual parking space and when the officer returned it the next day he had left it in the wrong place.

Its unaccounted mileage was 2 652km.

Minnaar said it is suspected that the officer had driven to drug hotspots and was dealing in drugs.

“We want to send a strong message that we are going to arrest corrupt officers, including those who abuse state vehicles,” he said.

The officer is out on R1 000 bail and will appear in the Johannesburg Magistrate’s Court on February 24. He will

Zimbabwe’s cash-strapped government has resorted to slaughtering elephants to feed thousands of hungry soldiers, sources told ZimOnline.

The state Parks and Wildlife Management Authority has since last week supplied elephant meat to army barracks across the country that have run out of food, our sources who are senior officers in the army said.

Zimbabwe is battling acute food shortages after successive poor harvests since 2000 while nearly a decade of severe economic recession has left President Robert Mugabe’s administration without hard cash to import food and other basics for the army and country.

Apparently, the government sees supplying elephant meat to soldiers as killing two birds with one stone as it enables it to cull excess animals while also ensuring its army has food, according to sources.

“Soldiers started eating elephant meat last week,” said a senior officer at Cranborne barracks, a few kilometers outside Harare city centre.

The senior officer, who did not want to be named because he did not have authorisation to speak to the press, said six elephant carcasses were last Friday delivered to the army barracks, adding that the meat delivery was a welcome relief.

Defence minister Sydney Sekeramayi yesterday declined to comment on the matter or to discuss the availability of food at army barracks in general.

Parks director-general Morris Mutsambiwa yesterday would not take questions on the matter. Responding to questions from ZimOnline through his personal assistant, Mutsambiwa said: “I cannot comment on that issue at the moment.”

The army is credited with keeping Mugabe in power, always quick to use brutal tactics to keep public discontent in check in the face of an economic and humanitarian crisis marked by acute shortages of food and basic commodities, amid a cholera epidemic that has killed more than 1 700 people since August.

But a recession that began when the International Monetary Fund cut financial support to Harare in 1999 and which worsened following Mugabe’s controversial land reforms that destabilised the mainstay agricultural sector has gradually crippled the veteran President’s ability to keep the army well fed and happy.

For example, the army has, in addition to shortages of food, also struggled for basics such as boots and uniforms for troops while the bulk of military equipment and hardware is said to be ages old and in need of replacement.

Sources said for the better part of last year barrack canteens were serving only plain sadza (a thick porridge made of ground maize) because army authorities were unable to buy more food after funds allocated to the army were quickly exhausted mainly due to Zimbabwe’s runaway inflation.

Secretary for Defence Trust Maphosa last year told the parliamentary portfolio committee on defence and home affairs that the government was fortunate that it was not being sued by soldiers for failing to provide adequate and nutritious food to the army as is required by law.

In an unprecedented show of discontent, some soldiers last year rioted in Harare, assaulting civilians, stealing cash from street currency traders and looting shops.

However, analysts rule out the possibility of a military coup against Mugabe – at least for now – because all top commanders are still relatively comfortable.

But some say that worsening hunger could at some point force the underpaid ordinary soldier to either openly revolt or to simply refuse to defend the government should Zimbabweans rise up in a civil rebellion.

An elderly Brackenfell couple was found shot dead in their bed – both with wounds to their heads.

Their 46-year-old son was found next to them, barely alive.

Police said the Marina Strydom’s sister had raised the alarm yesterday after arriving at the house in Eland Street, Brackenfell, to find the front door unlocked.

Strydom, 67, and her husband, Hendrik, 74, were found lying dead on their bed. With them on the bed was their son Marius.

Marius was rushed to Tygerberg Hospital where he remained in a critical condition on life support this morning. Paramedics declared the couple dead on the scene.

Police would not speculate as to who fired the shots, but said Strydom’s sister found a firearm lying on the bed with the three family members.

Police would conduct ballistics tests to determine who had fired the shots.

The sister told police the family would not make any comment.

Meanwhile, in Knysna, a 28-year-old woman reported missing by her mother about midday yesterday has been found dead at the Coney Glen viewpoint near the town.

Police said investigations were continuing but that the motive for the murder remained unclear.

No autopsy will be performed to determine the cause of death, they said.

Anyone with information that could assist the police should call the investigating officer, Captain Max Mangali.

Read also;
Attackers kill 83-year-old at home
No Country For Old People
Elderly man killed ‘like a sheep’
Steve Hofmeyr curses murderers of friend, 76, Willie Rousseau
Another elderly, 81, Mollie Opperman, murdered in home
Another elderly man, 68, killed in burglary
Elderly man (69) shot 14 times
Elderly (88) woman killed at home
No country for old women
Woman’s body found on field
Daughter finds murdered mom
Woman’s body found near river
Woman’s intestines cut out
Three blacks arrested for gang rape of granny
Elderly man killed in Pretoria

This is according to the Safety and Security Department in a reply to a recent parliamentary question from the Democratic Alliance.

The revelation comes in the wake of an undertaking by the Independent Complaints Directorate to begin a full-scale investigation into the VIP unit, which, during the past few years, has gained notoriety as road bullies.

According to the office of Safety and Security Minister Nathi Mthethwa, between 2005 and 2008: ·

. Six officers faced charges of murder or attempted murder;

· 10 officers faced charges of assault, or assault with intent to commit grievous bodily harm;

· One officer faced a rape charge;

· 26 faced driving-related charges, most involving reckless or negligent driving.

. Eight of those were for driving under the influence of alcohol;

· Two officers faced charges of damage to property;

· Three faced charges of pointing a firearm, or handling a firearm under the influence of alcohol; and

· One officer faced a charge of armed robbery.

. During the same period, six officers were charged with abuse of power, two for dereliction of duty and 56 for misconduct.

But according to Mthethwa, during the past five years only two members of the unit were dismissed.

Five were suspended. “The disciplinary regulations of the SAPS prescribe both remedial and punitive measures which are used as reactive responses to incidents of misconduct,” he said.

“In addition, members are subjected to proactive measures, including in-service courses such as disciplinary management, customer service and labour relations.

“Personnel are also debriefed in sessions with commanders where performance is reviewed and incidents and deviations discussed, with the objective of preventing misconduct and improving operational functioning,” the minister said. The VIP unit is broken into two components – the VIP Protection Services, which has 935 members, and the Static and Mobile Security Services, with 2 371 members.

DA MP Dianne Kohler-Barnard believes that VIP officers are getting away with their criminal actions without any proper disciplinary measures being taken against them.

“The data released by the minister of safety and security illustrates how a rudderless police service has lost all ability to hold police units to account, and underscores the importance of Monday’s decision by the Independent Complaints Directorate to conduct a full investigation into the unit.

“Officers committing serious criminal offences must be removed from the SAPS without delay, and the DA reiterates its call for the introduction of a new code of conduct for the VIP unit, to assist in holding its officers to rigorous standards,” said Kohler-Barnard.

One also has to consider the fact that only a small percentage of crimes are actually reported, and that this is even less when cops are involved who intimidate and threaten their victims.

· Did VIP unit delete SABC footage? Source
· Blue light bullies off the hook Source
· VIP unit investigated Source

The police VIP protection unit — often referred to as the blue light convoys — has been repeatedly criticised for aggressive, reckless driving following a spate of accidents involving VIP protection vehicles.

“It is not surprising that the VIP Protection Unit, which he oversees, shows such little respect for the law,” says DA spokesperson for safety and security Diane Kohler Barnard in a media statement. Tshabalala is the Divisional Commander of the South African Police Service’s Protection and Security Services.

Tshabalala crashed his car into a police van in August 2008. Eyewitness and media reports at the time suggested he was driving under the influence and had skipped a red traffic light, according to the DA.

Three police officers were injured in the accident, after responding to an armed robbery call. The DA has learnt that Tshabalala was not suspended pending the outcome of the case.

Barnard says South Africans are outraged by the despicable behaviour of the ’blue light bullies’ from the VIP unit, and it seems as if they “simply take their cue from the unit’s Divisional Commander”.

She says the party will submit an application to find out if blood tests were taken at the time of the incident, to fin out if Tshabalala was over the legal alcohol limit. A police spokesperson said blood results would be available within six weeks after the incident took place.

However, Barnard says the DA has been unable to find any mention on the results since this statement was made. The opposition party will also send a letter to Safety and Security Minister Nathi Mthethwa to find out if Tshabalala faced any criminal charges or an internal disciplinary hearing.

Day One of 2009. Starting as it ended.

Limpopo saw a wave of crime over the last 24 hours, including four murders, a rape, an armed robbery and various other crimes, said police on Thursday.

Police spokesperson Superintendent Mohale Ramatseba said police were investigating the murder of an elderly couple at ga Masemola in Nebo which took place at midnight on New Year’s Eve.

“It is alleged the couple was asleep when attacked.

“The 70-year-old woman’s throat was slit with a sharp instrument and her 73-year-old husband is suspected to have been fatally shot.”

Stabbed at a tavern
In a separate incident in Dennilton, a 21-year-old man was found stabbed to death in the yard of a tavern at Phumulane settlement at about 04:00 on Thursday.

In another incident at a tavern, a 33-year old man was apparently killed by a blow to the head with an axe in Bandelierkop at 02:00.

In Mankweng, another 21-year-old man was found with a chest wound in the street at Makotopong at 01:30.

Ramatseba said police were still investigating what the motive for the four killings had been. No arrests had been made.

He said police were also investigating a case of armed robbery and attempted murder in Hoedspruit after a businessman was robbed at his shop in Mabins at 02:30.

Three men travelling in a Toyota Conquest apparently robbed the shop at gunpoint of an undisclosed amount of cash, airtime vouchers and a mini-ATM.

Shot in the stomach
The shop owner was shot in the stomach and taken to hospital.

Ramatseba said police believed that the same men earlier robbed a 22-year-old man of his Toyota Conquest while he was in the bushes with a female friend at midnight along East Worcester-Enable road in Letsitele.

The man was shot in the chin and leg and the woman escaped unharmed.

The hijacked vehicle was later found abandoned along Phalaborwa-Lydenburg off-ramp road. No arrests have been made yet, but police are following some leads.

Rape
Ramatseba said police in Dennilton were also investigating a case of rape and house robbery which took place at Kgobokoane village on Wednesday at 23:00.

A 49-year-old woman was apparently asleep when three men broke into her house, ransacking it and gang-raping her.

The men stole six chicken braai packs, cold meat, a wrist watch and cell phone. No arrest has been made as yet.

Meanwhile, police also conducted two separate mass arrests over the last 24 hours.

At ga Dikgale in Mankweng 36 people including 13 women were arrested at a tavern at about 03:00 for public violence and malicious damage to property.

Those arrested allegedly pelted police with stones when they issued the tavern owner with a ticket for contravening the Liquor Act by failing to close at 02:00 as stipulated by the Act.

Police vehicle damaged
The stone pelting left a police Toyota Quantum damaged and three police reservists slightly injured.

The arrested people, ranging in age from 15 to 30, will appear before the Mankweng magistrates court soon.

Meanwhile, police in Apel arrested 59 women at Machacha village on Wednesday night in connection with intimidation and defeating the cause of justice.

Their arrests follow the murder of a 60-year-old man who was accused by residents of murdering another man three months ago.

Seven men were later arrested for murdering the elderly man.

The fifty nine women arrested on Wednesday were the mothers and friends of the seven men.

“It is reported the arrested women went to the old man’s home, intimidating family members to let the police release their arrested sons or else their house will be burnt and that the victim will not be buried in the area,” said Ramatseba.

“The police are currently monitoring the situation and suspects will appear before the Sekhukhune magistrates court soon,” he said.

The second day of the year has traditionally been a holiday for many Cape Town citizens, with January 3, 4,6, 9, 14, 19, and 24 also being viewed as back-up holidays in case the second falls on a weekend. All non-holiday days can also be used for meditation or training in preparation for street carnivals, meaning that most Capetonians work for approximately four hours in January.

However local government has tried to phase out the holiday, citing lost man-hours and chronic migraines caused by having to listen to plastic ukuleles and discordant brass instruments, and this year January 2 is a normal working day.

The change came as shocking news to the men of the Heppy Cheppie Lekker Larnie Tjakkalang Tjokker Brigade minstrel band who headed this morning’s catastrophic carnival.

“Nobody told us it was a working day,” said Sexyboy September, who had eight toes broken by a Volvo.

“They say they faxed us a memo at work, but don’t they know we haven’t been at work since October?”

According to Clive Cupido of the Dreamlover Waltz And Sokkie Pomp Kings the carnival was “just starting to go lekker” at around 7am this morning when it moved onto the highway into the city and met with instant carnage.

“I remember we were doing ‘My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean’, arranged for plastic ukulele and slightly dented harmonica, and suddenly I heard this terrible sound from up at the front of the parade, like a loud metallic grinding and screeching,” said Cupido.

“I just thought it was Oompie Avril Daniels warming up his tuba. Now they tell me it was the Nice Naartjie New-Style Jazz Boyz getting ploughed by the 7.03 Golden Arrow bus from Salt River.

“It’s not nice to hear that.”

Shocked motorists have responded with out outpouring of donations including earplugs, non-sequined clothing, and beginners’ guides to music.

“I was looking at my GPS and then I looked up and saw about 5,000 people in sequined boleros and Styrofoam hats right in the middle of the highway,” said traumatized driver Margie Kent, who is being investigated for possibly obliterating the Camelot Crooners with her Range Rover.

“In that situation you’d be mad to stop. So I accelerated, and then when I realised I was surrounded I tried to reverse, which probably made it a bit worse.”

Driving in town yesterday, I saw what seems to a brand new niche industry in Arsezania obviously in anticipation of the 2010 World Cup.

There was this white MB Vito van driving along and on the side and the rear, it proudly proclaimed that it was a funeral parlour, which “specialises in the repatriation of human remains“.
Without any shadow of a doubt, these fellas are gearing up to repatriate plenty of tourists corpses to their homeland.

Don’t say you have not been warned!

n the cartoon, Shapiro, who uses the pen name Zapiro, portrayed Zuma unbuckling his belt as he prepares to rape the figurative Lady Justice.

She is held down by Zuma allies Julius Malema, Gwede Mantashe, Blade Nzimande and Zwelinzima Vavi.

Mantashe eggs Zuma on: “Go for it, boss!”

While Zuma’s allies claimed the cartoon was intended to project the ANC president as a rapist — even though Zuma was acquitted of rape in 2006 — Shapiro said the central meaning of the cartoon was “incredibly clear”.

“It showed Jacob Zuma, with the help of his political allies, threatening and intimidating the judiciary to try to manipulate the courts for him to be exonerated and escape going on trial [for corruption], thus paving the way for Zuma to become president,” said Shapiro.

He said he used Lady Justice to represent the South African judicial system, adding that the figure is recognised as a symbol of justice the world over.

In the letter of demand served on Shapiro, Zuma threatens to take the award-winning cartoonist to court if he does not pay him R7-million within 14 days.

“The publication of the aforesaid cartoon has injured our client in his dignity and reputation and as a result thereof he has suffered damages in the amount of R7-million,” reads the letter.

America’s supercar hero, built to defend top speed bragging rights against the likes of Bugatti’s Veyron, is the Shelby super cars (SSC) Ultimate Aero. Built by SSC (owner Jerod Shelby, no relation of Carroll) the Ultimate Aero runs a 413-km/h top speed.

Obviously such vast dynamic potential restricts the styling aesthetics to be pretty much utilitarian – the Aero is wedge shaped and not a thing of great beauty.

For 2009, the all-aluminium V8 continues the great American pushrod tradition, managing to supercharge 947kW from a swept capacity of 6.35l – up from 882kW. SSC says the newfangled power should enable the Aero to make an attempt to break the 434km/h barrier.

Broaching the 400km/h barrier is a source of great pride to the American auto industry – currently in turmoil.

Featuring improved aerodynamics, an air brake and to keep engine operating temperatures optimal, those odd looking carbon-fibre side louvres now channel additional airflow to the radiators, small changes, but at speeds beyond 400km/h the details are key. Aiding the air brake are a set of 355mm discs all-round clamped by six-piston calipers.

Interior revisions include a new gauge cluster (you’d hardly notice as tunnel vision becomes the all purveying perspective at over 400km/h) and tire pressure monitor, which should give you a nanosecond worth of warning before a sudden deflation at 413km/h ensures an earlier than expected life insurance claim.

At $620 000 the 2009 model year Ultimate Aero is hardly cheap, and though its execution may be garish, the bragging rights are beyond doubt.

Bushbuckridge – Eight men are being sought after a single mother and her two daughters were robbed and gang-raped near Bushbuckridge, Mpumalanga police said on Friday.

Superintendent Abie Khoabane said the armed gang robbed and attacked the women in their Calcutta home on Thursday night.

“The family was sleeping when they were woken up by footsteps outside their house.

They screamed for help, but in no time the men broke down their door and entered the house.

“The robbers stole cash, household goods and cellphones before gang-raping the women,” he said.

Police were searching for the attackers.

18 out of 26 national departments spent R2.19 billion during 2007/2008, a R356 million (or 19%) increase from the previous financial year.

This drastic increase in spending is indicative of government departments’ complete disregard for the country’s worsening economic climate where consumers are reeling from high levels of debt and spiraling food and fuel prices and have had to cut back drastically on their spending.

Furthermore, last year Finance Minister Trevor Manuel used the tabling of his medium term budget policy statement to berate national departments for their excessive expenditure stating the following:

“National Department’s will be asked to find efficiency savings of about R2.3 billion over the next three years by limiting spending on unnecessary entertainment, travel and hotel accommodation, misplaced branding and communications initiatives and poorly managed consultancy services and related frills.”

It is clear a number of national departments have simply chosen to ignore Minister Manuel’s admonishments as well as his request to cut back on their wasteful expenditure.

To date, 18 out of 26 national departments have responded to the DA’s annual parliamentary Across all 18 departments, a total of R2.19 billion was spent in 2007/08, of which
R593 million was spent on accommodation,
R1.4 billion on traveling
and R156 million on food (these figures are probably higher because a number of departments only provided partial information).

Of the 18 departments, nine have provided full information for each category, for each of the last three years (others have either refused or failed to provide a full response).

Using those nine departments as an indicator, it is clear there have been substantial increases in expenditure in each category since last year:

Accommodation costs have increased by around 42% from 2006/07;
Travel costs have increased by around 4%; and
Food costs have increased by around 69%.

Across all categories, the average increase in total expenditure is around 15% from last year. Within each category, the majority of departments have increased their expenditure, the details of which are set out in the accompanying documents.

Significant trends in expenditure include:

The Department of Justice and Constitutional Development:

At R381 million, Its overall increase in expenditure – 64% – represents an increase of some R149 million
Accommodation – R 111million (an increase of R30.3 million or 37%);
Travel – R264 million (an increase of R118 million or 80%)
Food – R5.4 million (an increase of R932 000 or 20%).

The Department of Public Works:

an increase in expenditure of 175% or R49 million

It spent 298% or R10.8 million more on accommodation
150% or R33 million more on traveling.

The Department of Land Affairs:

An increase of 62%, or R50 million more than last year.
Accommodation – R42 million (an increase of R21 million or 105%);
Travel – R82.7 million (an increase of R25.9 million or 45%)
Food – R 7.2 million (an increase of nearly R3.1 million or 76% from 2006/07).

The Department of Housing:

An increase of R6.8 million or 32% from last year.
Accommodation, up 114% or R4 million from last year, to R7 million.

The majority of departments do not elaborate on how or why money was spent, choosing rather simply to provide a figure, without any context.

Johannesburg – A man was shot dead on Friday minutes after he and his accomplices blew up an  in Mabopane, Pretoria police said.

Four men blew up an ATM machine inside a supermarket store at Itsoseng around 11:00.

After the man was shot, the other three robbers managed to escape with an undisclosed amount of money, Captain Lucas Sithole said.

“He was shot by the shop owner outside the shop while they were escaping. His accomplices managed to flee in a red VW Golf,” said Sithole.

The Golf and a firearm were recovered two kilometres away from the scene.

Police are investigating a case of armed robbery

Read one of the ‘tips’ below. Phone 10111 and speak to the operator while the cops are with you. Yeah right, as if. When last did any 10111 phone call ever get answered? What a load of bull!

Early on July 27, a 21-year-old woman traveling alone in her car was stopped and pulled over by two uniformed Metro Police officers.

They approached her from a marked Johannesburg Metro Police Department (JMPD) bakkie. One officer asked to see her driving licence and if she had been drinking. She replied that she had drunk one glass of wine.

“He said I may be over the limit. He asked me to do a breathalyzer (test) and (then) changed his mind, saying: ‘I don’t think a girl like you wants to go to jail.’

“I asked him to do the breathalyser (test) because he wanted to take me to jail, but he refused and he said if he did the breathalyser (test), I would probably be over the limit,” she said.

In the meantime, the second officer was apparently pacing between the two cars.

The first officer informed her they were going to take her to Linden police station, where she could apply for bail of R1 500.

“I never did a breathalyser (test), so I wasn’t sure why I had to go to jail. He asked me what we could do about this.”

She said the officer then got into her car with her, and the other officer followed them in the bakkie.

On the way to the police station, the officer allegedly repeatedly tried to solicit a bribe, asking: “What can we do about this?”

“He didn’t mention money specifically, but said he wanted something. He told me to stop and park on Frederick Drive, Northcliff, and went out to his friend. He came back and told me his friend needed something.”

The officer finally returned her licence and she drove off.

Her experience prompted The Star to look at motorists’ rights in such a situation. Alarmingly, they don’t have any.

According to JMPD spokesperson Chief Superintendent Wayne Minnaar, motorists have to obey any orders or instructions from a uniformed officer.

“A motorist is required to comply with the officer until the officer has completed his or her inspection, issued the motorist a ticket or executed an arrest,” he said.

It is only once a motorist has been arrested and booked at a police station that they may exercise their right to pay bail, be released from custody and appear in court.

Until then, Minnaar said, a motorist had no choice but to do what they’re told.

Commenting on the woman’s experience, Minnaar said the officer was within his rights to arrest the woman on suspicion of drunken driving, even though he allegedly refused to do the breathalyser test.

He admitted that it was bizarre that the officer refused to do the test, because it could have been used as evidence to support his suspicion.

“It’s odd, but he has the authority to arrest her on suspicion alone,” he said.

He advised motorists who suspected an officer of trying to solicit a bribe to make a note of the person’s identity and report the officer to the JMPD’s Internal Affairs Investigation Unit.

“If an officer is talking in the way of soliciting a bribe, take down some form of identity so that there can be an investigation into the matter.

“Try to take down the officer’s number plate, the vehicle number, precinct and name,” he said.

Uniformed JMPD officers have the authority to stop any motorist:

• For a routine check;
• For a traffic offence; and
• To check for suspected stolen vehicles or suspicious drivers.
  

They further have the authority to:

• Thoroughly check the inside and outside of the car;
• Request personal information such as names and addresses from any person in the car, including driver and passengers; and
• Inspect the car and driving licence.
  

Motorists’ rights (which only apply after you have been arrested):

• Pay bail;
• Be released; and
• Appear in court.

Tips on how to handle a police officer or metro police officer:

• Stop if you are ordered to do so. Remain calm and be co-operative.
• Take down the police officer’s registration number and vehicle number written on the side of the car.
• Call 10111, tell the operator that you have been stopped by the police and you would like them to keep talking to you until you have identified the officers.
• Give the operator the officer’s name, rank and force number, but make sure the police can hear you as that will reduce the chances of them trying to bribe or harass you.

It’s the perfect item for crime-weary Joburgers – your very own armoured vehicle.

The police are selling off 205 armoured personnel carriers (APCs) that they don’t need anymore.

Unfortunately they’re wrecks.

Most are being sold without any registration papers and “voetstoets”, meaning with no guarantees. They are all redundant or scrapped.

The batch that The Star looked at on Wednesday at the Benoni police vehicle depot were elderly, undriveable wrecks, missing wheels, windows, seats and engines.

One was completely burnt out and another had a 2m-tall tree growing in it.

They were surrounded by weed-filled rolls of rusted razor wire.

Here’s what’s on the shopping list: 67 Casspirs, 40 Nonqai, 38 Scouts, 27 Nyala, eight Mambas, five Buffels, and a handful of others including Blesbok, Duikers, Boerbok and an Albatross.

Casspirs are the huge V-hulled mine-resistant armoured vehicles, usually painted yellow and blue and seating 12 people in the back, which became a symbol of security force action against anti-apartheid protests in townships during the 1980s.

The name is an anagram of the Council for Scientific and Industrial Research (CSIR), which designed them, and the old SA Police (SAP) which used them.

Buffels (buffalo) were usually painted brown and were also V-hulled. Nonqais and Nyalas look like armoured buses while Scouts are smaller.

They are all manufactured to military specification, according to the police bid documents. Even though the vehicles may be undriveable, sales are restricted.

Buyers must have “a valid armaments development and manufacturing permit” and must say what they plan to do with the APCs.

Buyers planning to use them for cash-in-transit work must be registered security businesses.

Any criminals thinking of buying their very own armoured vehicle should think again, as the bid documents warn that buyers won’t be considered unless their “bona fides have been authenticated”, state the documents.

Nobody may operate an armoured vehicle painted to look like a police or military vehicle.

“The APC vehicle will not be used for purposes of endangering the security of the state, the violation of human rights, resolving labour disputes, quelling unrest or committing any unlawful act,” state the bid documents firmly.

If you buy one, you have to make sure it doesn’t get stolen.

All buyers must be registered with the Secretary of Defence. Permission is needed to resell, rent out or export any of the vehicles.

The National Intelligence Agency may even be asked to check up on what buyers are doing with their purchases.

The vehicles are at depots in seven provinces.

Bids for the vehicles close in February.

According to a spokesman Zuma required 28 cars for his wives, one for himself, one for Jesus Christ in case He returned as Zuma has been promising, and three for his elephant guns, leopard skins and beer.

The president of the ANC has been condemned by opposition parties for spending taxpayers’ money while not holding any public office, but this morning Zuma’s spokesman, Yesman Nkandla, said that the criticism was unfair.

“If he’d brought Comrade Julius Malema with him he’d have needed three more cars for Comrade Julius’s wet-wipes, diaper bag, bottles of Purity, and so on,” said Nkandla. “So under the circumstances 33 cars was fairly modest.

“ He also hit back at opposition leader Helen Zille who last week accused Zuma of banana republic-style displays of opulent leadership. “To say that Msholozi’s motorcade reflected a banana republic brand of leadership is grossly untrue,” said Nkandla.

“The presidents of banana republics drive 1974 diesel Mercedes sedans with leopard-print upholstery. “Msholozi drives a 2008 7-series BWM with condor-skin upholstery. It is totally different.

“ He said that comparisons to the motorcades of Zimbabwean despot Robert Mugabe and his Zanu-PF henchmen were also completely baseless. “Comrade Zuma is nothing like Mugabe,” he said. “Mugabe is a fascist who has betrayed his people. “And he only has fifteen cars in his motorcade, not 33. In all respects he is inferior to Msholozi.

“ Meanwhile the Ministry of Transport has urged motorists to cooperate with official motorcades.

In a statement released this morning Deputy Transport Minister Quickfit Nkabinde said that motorists should refrain from driving “in a manner that is provocative to public officials and might result in them getting shot at in a defensive manner by the officials’ bodyguards”.

He listed these provocative actions as “driving on any public road being used by a government motorcade, failing to direct your motor vehicle into the nearest ditch upon seeing a motorcade approach, and weaving across lanes to present an unsporting moving target to bodyguards”.

Here’s something we hadn’t considered. What will soccer tourists do for the 2010 world cup when their maps or GPSes are wrong and they get lost?

It is all very well warning them to stay out of crime hotspots but if those areas are known by another name by 2010, the GPS info will be incorrect and thousands of tourists may be left wondering the country lost having to stop ‘friendly’ locals for directions.

We need a moratorium on this insane obsession to change the names of thousands of streets and sites. We need to allow map and GPS cartographers to catch up. This is an avoidable problem.

Government’s aggressive name changing policy is becoming problematic for cartographers.

Tourists might find themselves lost in the streets of SA come 2010, if the name change process does not speed up and include the creators of digital maps, says Tracks4Africa.

“Most people tend to update their GPSes every so often and some are using units with maps that are over a year old,” says Tracks4Africa spokesman Johann Groenewald. “The problem will be that during 2010, tourists might not be clued up on the various name changes and new streets.”

The process of name changing and building new streets is not announced in time for GPS distributors and digital cartographers to update their maps. He says cartographers tend to upload both the old and new names of places and streets in order to quell confusion for motorists.

“This could confuse users, who could erroneously conclude that the GPS information is wrong. They will then criticise the manufacturers and the distributors. And unless we receive information on the proposed changes in time to send the updates to the international market, visitors will experience problems in the future.”

Often children and the elderly are the victims, both male and female.

An individual or group of individuals commissions a traditional healer or inyanga to assist them by concocting muti. The victim is usually identified and ‘purchased’ via a transaction involving an often nominal amount of money.

The victim is then abducted, often at night, and taken to an isolated place, often in the open countryside if the murder is being committed in a rural area.

It is usually intended that the victim be mutilated while conscious, so that the medicine can be made more potent through the noises of the victim in agony. Mutilation does not take place in order to kill the victim, but it is expected that the victim will die of the wounds.

A famous businessman, his son and the son’s friend appeared briefly in the Bushbuckridge magistrate’s court in Mpumalanga in connection with the brutal murder of a man whose body parts were allegedly cut off for muti purposes.

The businessman, Floyd Mokoena, 58, his son Sydney Toto Mokoena, 33, and the son’s friend, Mjojo Justice Ndubane, 28, are accused of killing Clearance Brown, 25, on February 23 this year.

Mokoena senior allegedly told his son that a sangoma had advised him to bring a close relative’s body parts, including human blood, to strengthen his four businesses. He owns the Lebogang bar lounge and a restaurant in Tekamahala, as well as a bottle store and another restaurant in Oakley.

Mokoena Jnr allegedly offered his friend, Ndubane, a lot of money to help him to carry out the shocking plan. The two allegedly ambushed Brown as he was walking home from a drinking spree at a bar lounge in Oakley and offered him a lift, Mpumalanga organised crime unit spokesman Captain Leonard Hlathi says.

“They allegedly cut off the victim’s testicles, drained his blood and removed some of his bones while he was alive before throwing his body in the middle of the street,” Hlathi says.

The robbers used four separate sets of explosives – possibly dynamite – and despite the earth-shattering blasts, they still couldn’t get to the money.

Several minutes after they stopped traffic on the busy N3 highway in Ekurhuleni (Edenvale), going east towards Joburg, the 17 AK-47-wielding gunmen abandoned their quest for the millions secured behind a thick metal safe.

It was a day of high drama on the N3 as hordes of curious spectators gathered on overhead bridges and on the side of the road to watch the events unfold.

Police investigators worked for hours, wading through the mangled wreck of the cash van, dusting for fingerprints and taking photographs for any clues that might lead them to the gang.

It was a terrifying sight for the Gauteng cash-in-transit heist task team. It was the first time robbers had used explosives to pull off a heist in Gauteng – a trend investigators fear may occur more frequently as the end-of-year “heist season” swings into full gear.

A highly placed source said that Monday’s attack was only the third time that robbers had used explosives in an attempted cash-in-transit heist in South Africa.

“This is a very new tactic and they more than likely could be linked to ATM bombings,” he said.

Explosives have been used by robbers in recent years to blow up ATMs, usually in isolated areas and in the early hours of the morning.

A police task force set up to investigate these attacks has managed to curb the amount of attacks in recent weeks, but now it seems robbers may have set their sights on blowing up cash vans.

Monday’s attempted heist occurred just before 10am as peak traffic began to ease on the highway. Police say the cash van was travelling from Springs to Johannesburg when the driver and his crewman noticed they were being tailed by a Toyota Quantum, a blue Volvo and a Mercedes.

Alberton police spokesperson Inspector Annzuette Erasmus said that as the van had approached the Rand Airport interchange bridge, the Volvo forced it off the road.

The robbers, all wearing balaclavas and armed with an assortment of weapons, got out of their vehicles and stopped traffic by training their guns on motorists.

The gang fired at the security guards to force them out of their vehicle, with one shot shattering the bullet-proof window on the driver’s side.

The gang forced the guards out of their vehicle and ordered them to lie on the ground, while their accomplices began placing explosives at the back of the van.

Durban thieves have found an innovative way to break into houses without setting off electronic alarm systems.

By using large golf umbrellas, they shield their bodies from alarm sensors.

In the latest incident, robbers broke into a fully armed Morningside home and made off with expensive appliances.

Owner Sally Scott told Weekend Witness that the robbers entered the house through a tiny bathroom window on Thursday without setting off her alarm system.

The robbers stole a 60-year-old string set of pearls that belonged to Scott’s mother. This is the third such robbery in the past six weeks. “When my daughter got home, she found that the window had been broken and the burglar guard bent in. When she went into my bedroom, she saw that the [burglar alarm] was fully armed,” she said.

Scott said she normally gets a phone call whenever the alarm goes off, but this time the alarm didn’t go off.

“When Chubb security arrived, they told me that robbers used this modus operandi [the umbrella] when breaking into homes. It covers the body so sensors can’t pick it up,” she said.

When Scott and the security guard went outside, they found a golf umbrella and a screwdriver lying in the garden.

She said that another tactic robbers employ is to wrap themselves in a wet blanket, which also shields them from the sensor.

Scott said security companies should inform people about crime trends.

“We go out thinking our homes are safe. Security companies need to inform their clients about these things so that we can upgrade our security systems,” she said. She said the thieves almost cleaned out her entire home and stole sentimental items.

Chubb spokeswoman Alison Bull said that a full investigation into the circumstances surrounding the robbery will be conducted. “We will do everything in our power to find out what happened,” she said.

Her spokeswoman also denied that she had been asked to return the new liver she received while Health Minister. Speaking to journalists from the Presidency where the Salvation Army was loading the last of Thabo Mbeki’s belongings into a van, spokeswoman Clitoris Labuschagne said that just because Tshabalala-Msimang would not have any specific responsibilities, it didn’t mean that she would have no responsibilities whatsoever.

“Mostly she’s there to keep the mood up,” said Labuschagne. “Tell witty stories about how anteretrovirals turn people into witches, play showtunes on her ukulele, that sort of thing.

” However she conceded that there would be a limited bartending role for the Minister, and confirmed that Tshabalala-Msimang had been entrusted with the Pik Botha Memorial Brandy Decanter.

However she said this would be a ceremonial position and would not involve much actual drinking, “at least not until everyone goes home at five”.

She also rejected allegations that Tshabalala-Msimang would be a personal chef for President Motlanthe.

“While the Minister does make a delicious quiche using African potatoes, garlic, beetroot, olive oil, denial, belligerence and lingering death, President Motlanthe has indicated that his culinary tastes tend toward more ascetic dishes.

” She said that Motlanthe was trying to cut down on carbs, and that his diet now consisted almost entirely of stem-cells and capitalists. Labuschagne also used the opportunity to deny that

She attacked the “general belief” that Tshabalala-Msimang “only got the liver because she was Health Minister at the time, and that she pulled rank to jump the queue”.

She said the people who were calling on her to give back the organ were misguided and racist.

“There are two reasons we can’t give back the liver,” said Labuschagne. “Firstly, the only three surgeons qualified to do the operation have just emigrated to Australia. “And secondly, and more importantly, there’s the issue of a replacement donor.

We’d need to find a suitably healthy young woman, ideally one who had once supported President Mbeki, kill her, and remove her liver; and ethics approval for that kind of thing can take weeks, even for someone in the Presidency.”

Minister Tshabalala-Msimang could not be reached for comment as she was reportedly preparing a Screaming Orgasm for Jacob Zuma.

But two questions must frighten all South Africans. In 44 BC, Julius Caesar, perhaps the greatest soldier in history, was assassinated by his own followers.

In modern dictatorships, in the Soviet Union Trotsky was outcast and then killed by Stalin, a fellow communist; and in Nazi Germany Hitler killed Rohm, a fellow Nazi who had helped bring him to power.
Looking at democratic Britain, Harold MacMillan, the Tory Prime Minister, sabotaged his obvious successor, R A Butler; and Margaret Thatcher was kicked out by her own party.Looking at apartheid South Africa, Botha got rid of Vorster, and in turn De Klerk got rid of Botha. Why do parties turn on their own? A mixture of policy and personal spite, with the emphasis on the latter.

Ambition, prejudice, vengeance and loathing will always outweigh political ideals wherever human beings are the players.

The triumphant Zuma faction have now axed Thabo Mbeki. This makes people like me, who dislike Mbeki on Aids, Zimbabwe and race, rather sympathetic to him.

Zuma’s menacing, arrogant, high-living supporters scare me. So here are the two questions.

First, does Zuma control his supporters or do they control him? When he comes to power (more likely than “if he comes to power”), will he show steel behind his charming facade and bring his thugs, like Julius Malema, to heel? Or will they control him?

Second, what will be the economic policies of President Zuma? Mbeki’s greatest triumph was to bring financial responsibility to South Africa. From 1994, he controlled our economy and did well to bring down debt, manage spending and give us moderate, if not high, economic growth.

Do the Zuma supporters want to get rid of him out of spite or because they want nationalisation and socialism? If the answers are that the thugs control Zuma and will make him adopt socialist economic policies, then we shall go the way of Mugabe’s Zimbabwe.

Then the poor should prepare to starve; those with jobs should prepare to lose them; the engineers and maths teachers who haven’t already left should prepare to leave now; and foreign investors should forget about South Africa.Is the tail going to wag the dog?

There is a long list of comrades who expect to be rewarded for their loyalty to Zuma.

The scary part is that this list includes the South African Communist Party, the ANC Youth League and COSATU.

We are now well and truly at the mercy of this axis of evil.

British tourist, SA woman gang-raped by six-man armed gang at Hippo Lodge, Honeydew.

Sept 23 2008 – HONEYDEW. Police have set up a task team to probe rape attacks, hijackings and armed robberies targeting families inside their own homes as well as at businesses in Honeydew.

The entire greater-Honeydew area – a middle-class region north of Randburg/Johannesburg — has been suffering from a spate of violence-driven crimes in recent months.

In the most recent attack, two women were gang-raped at the weekend when six heavily-armed men broke into a chalet at the Hippo Lodge on Saturday night and held up its occupants.

They robbed the guests of all their valuables and cellphones — and then raped two women — one a South African, the other a British tourist. The men then fled in a stolen car.
http://www.telegraaf.nl/telesport/voetbal/1990973/__Luipaard_Zakumi_mascotte_WK__.html

Crowds of rioting pupils torch school in angry protest against FIFA WC2010 stadium evictions:

Sept 23 2008 – Nelspruit, Matafin township, South Africa.

In scenes very reminiscent of the anti-apartheid riots, hundreds of toyi-toying black South Africa schoolchildren yesterday burnt down their school while demonstrating at Mpumalanga’s 2010 Soccer World Cup stadium in Nelspruit on Monday.

Hundreds of stadium-workers were again prevented from entering the gates by the pupils. These children have been protesting for several months now.

Yesterday their anger at the local ANC-officials’ ignoring their plight, reached breaking point. In their weeks-long attempts to be heard, pupils – some as young as eight — joined in to protest about their stifling-hot ‘temporary’ Zozo-classrooms and delayed the stadium’s construction by yet another day.

Pupils evicted from the Cyril Clarke Secondary School in Mataffin marched the few kilometres from their temporary Zozo-classrooms to the stadium on Monday and again on Tuesday, just as they did last week and for several months before that — demanding to be let through the gates and stopping all construction work.

Among angry talk of “taking back our old classrooms” in the building site, the pupils danced and whistled, shaking fighting sticks and branches outside the stadium gates, with J&M Security and a heavy police presence keeping a watchful eye.

“Those classrooms are too hot, there is no fan or air conditioner and it is summer!” one of the boys shouted. The local health department confirms that at least six pupils a day collapse from the stifling heat inside the Zozo-classrooms in the moist Lowveld climate.

One group of pupils distracted the police, while another group torched a library and two of their hated temporary prefab-classrooms in protest against being evicted from their old, solid, brickbuilding-schools, just to make way for a football-stadium parking lot this week.

This sight occurred in  Queenstown, Eastern Cape recently. It seems the black owner of the car hails from Paarl in the Western Cape, some 800 km away.

 Transporting sheep in this manner constitutes cruelty to animals, and is punishable with a prison term of up to six months, or a fine of R 5 000.00 .As if that is going to happen in South Africa.

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11.Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
29.Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

What is it about African cultures in particular that says you have the right to steal? Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Make no mistake though, the Aussies take no shit and they will eventually round them up and throw them out.

Melbourne’s Indian and Pakistani taxi drivers are being bashed and robbed by African youth gangs.

And there are fears the number of attacks reported to Victoria Police is only the tip of the iceberg.

The hot spot for inter-racial violence is Melbourne’s inner north. This year between May 8 and August 2 there were 12 reported robberies on taxi drivers in Flemington, Moonee Ponds and Ascot Vale.

Police will not officially acknowledge any particular ethnic group is a target, or that any other group is carrying out the crimes.

But in every case the victims told police their attackers were African and there was always more than one.

Knives are the weapon in most taxi robberies reported to police, but meat cleavers and screw drivers have also been used.

Ten of the 12 victims are from the Indian sub-continent, but police are not prepared to say Melbourne’s foreign student taxi drivers have become targets.

Det Sgt Paul Lunt from the armed robbery taskforce said taxi drivers were being chosen because they were seen by some as soft targets. “I can’t think of a time in the last five years when we’ve had a series of attacks like this on cab drivers,” Det Sgt Lunt said.

“If they commit one robbery it becomes easier to carry out the next one and the one after, and they do escalate in violence as they become a series. “What starts as a threat demanding money progresses into actual violence.”

Liberal MP Bernie Finn, whose electorate covers the danger zone, said police had to start acknowledging they had a gang problem. “What we need to do is round up the ringleaders of these gangs and send them home,” Mr Finn said.

“We are more than capable of producing our own thugs and thieves without importing them.

“The biggest hurdle we face is that we have a chief commissioner of police who refuses to accept that gangs exist. She won’t even say the word gang.”

The money, donated by visitors to the park, was meant for the charity Save-a-Child.

“I’ve had many close encounters with snakes these past 85 days,” Smit told the newspaper, while moving a green mamba lying at his feet. “But I have never ever felt as scared as during the robbery.”

Overall, the conviction rate for contact crimes was 19 percent, said DA safety and security spokesperson Dianne Kohler-Barnard.

“It is difficult to know which is worse – the low conviction rates for serious crimes or the fact that 15 out of 20 crime categories have decreased conviction rates since 2006,” she said.

The conviction rate for attempted murder was 11,3 percent (down 0,59 percent from 2006), rape 8,9 percent (down 0,07 percent), house robbery 7,7 percent (down 1,72 percent) and hijacking of cars 7,29 percent (down 2,36 percent).
The murder conviction rate of 12,6 percent was 0,82 percent lower than in 2006.

“The bottom line is that if people do not have faith that the crime they report will result in a conviction, they will simply not bother reporting crimes…

“We must see more resources and personnel allocated to the detective service, for without the capacity to investigate and solve crimes and refer credible cases to court for prosecution, we can never win the fight against crime,” said Kohler-Barnar

About 50 have been stolen in parts of Blue Downs, Bonteheuwel and Atlantis over the past two months, costing hundreds of thousands of rands.

Blue Downs will soon have no street lights left to be sold at the current rate 

Streetlight poles fetch between R300 and R500 each.The replacement of each post by the Cape Town Council is in the region of R10 000.

Keeping the lights burning during the day proved UN-successful, the thieves  found a way of tripping the power supply and 10 lampposts were pulled out of the ground.
A local scrapyard dealer was arrested twice, but he just keeps getting bail.

It was believed the six men and the two victims were part of a gang consisting of young men in the area.

It is alleged that the group had stolen a door from a school in the community on Saturday afternoon and when they sold the door the earnings were not equally divided. According to the police, this had allegedly sparked an argument that led to the killings.

“We were told the two who were killed received more than the others when the money was shared and that this is what started the argument,” he said.

While members of the group were fighting over the money, one of the suspects went home and told his father he had been robbed.

Police believe the man’s father then grabbed a shotgun and fired two random shots, but it is still unclear whether anyone was injured when the shots were fired.

Makupula told the Cape Argus it was believed that during the fight between the men, one of the victims was stabbed in the leg and hacked at the back of his neck with an axe.

The other victim was stabbed in the throat

Cape Town, South Africa, You are warned be careful of fish and chips. Now the copper cable is not enough for the thieves anymore. They are draining the cooling oil from transformers and selling it to fish and chips shops in townships.

This oil is called Polychlorinated biphenyls or PCB’s for short. It has been banned from many countries as far back as the 1970’s. Why it is still in use in South Africa is beyond belief.

This oil causes liver cancer, skin lesions and affects reproduction. Children can be born with both male and female sexual organs or can be born sterile.

Thieves were seen at the Atlantis sub-stations equipped with large canisters and pipes through which the oil was drained.”The oil looks like cooking oil but is highly toxic.  Investigations so far have found that thieves are bottling the oil, adding water and colourants, and selling it to township fisheries as cheap cooking oil.”

“People should be careful where they buy their fried fish and chips or other fried foods from now on.”

Letters to the Ministry of Labour  

The following are genuine extracts of letters received by the MINISTRY OF LABOUR (SOUTH AFRICA) from people enquiring after money on the grounds of hardship. They are exact copies as they were received. Neither the wording nor the spelling has been altered. 
 
Extract: 
1. I am glad to state that my husband died yesterday. I will be glad if you get me a pension. If you don’t hurry up I will have to get public resistance. 
2. I am enclosing my marriage certificate with three children. One of then is a mistake as you can see when you look into it. I am writing to say my youngest son is born two years old. Why not getting allowances for it. 
3. I am enclosing certificate with six childran. One of them twins died. You asked if he is christened: yes he was baptised on half a sheet of paper by a certain Captain in the Salvation Army. 
4. The man I live with won’t work and he wants to know if my husband is dead. Will you please search through your records office for him and let me know. 
5. In accordance with your Instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope. 
6. I want money as badly as quisk as you can send it. I have been in bed under the doctor for weeks and he doesn’t seem to be doing me any good. If things don’t improve I shall have another doctor. 
7. Milk is needed for my baby. Father is unable to supply it. 
8. Re your dental enquiry, the teeth at the top are still alright, but the ones in my bottom are hurting me terrible. 
9. Please send me a form for cheap milk.I have a baby 2 month old and did not know about it until the neighbor told me. 
10. My son is unable to attend school. He has had diarrhoea through a hole in his shoe. 

These are actual letters sent by council building dwellers (JOHANNESBURG): 
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. 
3. Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls against my fence. 
4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off. 
5. The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand? 
6. I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall. 
7. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. 
8. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 
9. Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother. 
10. I am still having trouble with smoke in my built-in drawers. 
11. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. 
12. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink. 
13. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now it is in three pieces. 
14. Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away. 
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it’s getting too much. 
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. 
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so will you please send someone around to do something about it. 
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be pleased if you could do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night. 
19. Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and satisfy the wife. 
20. I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but still have no satisfaction. 
21. We are getting married in September and would like it in the garden before we move into the house. 
22. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can’t get SABC2 (television station). 
23. I try to take just one day at a time but lately several days have atacked me at o

Examination Instructions:

1. Please write all answers between the lines.
2. No part of this answer book may be rolled and smoked.
3. No children of students are allowed to participate.
4. Please leave all firearms in the possession of parole officers.
5. Bribes will be accepted at a minimum of R300.00
6. If this exam does not match the one that you bought in advance notify the examiner.

QUESTION 1 

Elias has an AK 47 with 2 magazines taped together, each holding 30 rounds.
If he misses 8 out of 10 shots, how many drive-by taxi shootings can he attend before having to reload?

QUESTION 2 
Phineas has a 12-seater minibus, to avoid discomfort he never carries more than 23 people. Assuming each passenger weighs 85kg, and piles 35kg of luggage on the roof, he drives at 140 km/hr and that his brakes are 25% efficient, what would his stopping distance be?
a) 300 m
b) 600 m
c) 10 m
d) Depends if there is another passenger to pick up.

Seeing you only need 35% to pass these days, two questions should do it!

Signs that you won’t find anywhere else in the world
except in Africa.

In a restaurant in Zambia:”Open seven days a week and weekends.”

On the grounds of a private school in South Africa:”No tresspassing
without permission.”

On a window of a Nigerian shop:”Why go elsewhere to be cheated
when you can come here?.”

On a poster in Ghana:”Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help.”

In a hotel in Mozambique:”Visitors are expected to complain at the
office between the hours of 9.00 am and 11.00am daily.”

On a river in the Democratic Republic of Congo: “Take note: When
this sign is submerged, the river is impassable.”

In a Zimbabwean restaurant:”Customers who find our waitresses
rude ought to see the manager.”

A sign seen on a hand dryer in a Lesotho public toilet:”Risk of electric
shock-Do not activate with wet hands.”

In a Botswana jewellery shop:”Ears pierced while you wait.”

On one of the buildings of a Sierra Leonne hospital:”Mental Health
Prevention Centre.”

In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania:”No children allowed!”

In a cemetery in Uganda:”Persons are prohibited from picking flowers
from any but their graves.

In a Malawi hotel:”It is forbidden to steal towels please. If you are
not a person to do such a thing, please don’t read this notice.”

A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park: “It is strictly
forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose.”

In a Namibian nightclub:”Ladies are not allowed to have children in the
bar.”

In a photo studio in Chitungwiza(Zimbabwe):”Photos taken while you wait”

 Sipho and his mates decided to go on an affirmative shopping trip to the East London Museum. Clearly Sipho is a lover of the fine arts, and a veritable SBG (Sophisticated Black Gentleman) culture vulture to boot when it comes to all things aesthetic, otherwise he would rather have broken into something more humdrum like a shebeen or spaza shop, right? Well, what was going to be an innocent midnight sojourn gazing at Pierneef canvasses, with the concomitant artsy banter between him and his mates as to the great painter’s neo-impressionist broad stroke style, turned into something less edifying as suddenly, The Evil White Man’s Alarm went off!

Angry, hurt and dismayed at The Evil White Man’s attempts at keeping Sipho & co down, and willfully depriving them of appreciating magnificent Africana paintings, an enraged and artistically marginalized Sipho decided to hoof it out of there – somehow he just knew those unsophisticated philistine cops will never believe his wide-eyed explanations at simply wanting to enjoy art without the din and distraction of sweating, chattering museum crowds.

Once outside, a now panic-stricken Sipho was confronted with a six foot palisade fence. He heaved, pushed and shoved with all his might, but the bars just wouldn’t budge. In the distance he could hear the roaring engines of approaching security vehicles. Overcome with a growing sense of urgency, Sipho spotted a tree near the fence. At the sight of the tree, somewhere deep in the recesses of his reptilian brain stem an ancestral, evolutionary memory stirred. From that point on, nature took over as Sipho pulled in his head, emitted a simian grunt, arched his back and went down on all fours.

Quick as a flash, he morphed into the bipedal simian life form so very close to his beast-like nature and dexterously bounded up the tree. Just beyond the palisade fence was a ten foot chain link fence. Child’s play he joyously thought. Plus, the muti I got from that sangoma will give me super powers! Lets jump both fences in one go! Sipho hunched, braced himself and with an almighty effort he leaped.

Alas, the forces of natural science so carefully enumerated by  Newton conspired against our hapless tree dweller, and instead of the magnificent orang outang style leap, Sipho semi-jumped, semi-fell out of the tree in a rather unelegant arch. Crashing earthwards like a sack of mealies, his yellowed eyes widened as he felt a sharp stinging sensation rushing up from his smelly black pooper… “ma-wheeaa!!” he screamed in surprise. The searing pain felt exactly like that he experienced a year or so before, when his cell mate Bubba coerced him into “bending for a friend” on that fateful East London prison night. “Eissh hau eina eina eina” he whimpered. Not even Bubba had such a big schlong as the object which he now had impaled himself on, wondering quietly what Bubba would say at being upstaged…

Last we heard, Sipho, was slowly (very slowly) meandering the passages and wards of the Frere state hospital, playfully squirting horrified passers-by through a tiny hole he poked in his newly fitted colostomy bag. He can’t wait to be discharged to show off this cool new party trick.

BELOW: From the Despatch (East London)

This alleged thief had to be rushed to hospital last night after being impaled on a fence.

The incident took place at the East London museum.

The suspect is alleged to have broken down the back door to the museum. The alarm went off, giving him a fright, and he ran away.

He climbed a tree and then attempted to jump over the fence. However, he lost his footing and was impaled by one of the spikes on the fence.

The man was discovered by a tow truck driver who heard his cries.

The man was taken to Frere Hospital and it is understood that he is due to undergo surgery.