Her spokeswoman also denied that she had been asked to return the new liver she received while Health Minister. Speaking to journalists from the Presidency where the Salvation Army was loading the last of Thabo Mbeki’s belongings into a van, spokeswoman Clitoris Labuschagne said that just because Tshabalala-Msimang would not have any specific responsibilities, it didn’t mean that she would have no responsibilities whatsoever.

“Mostly she’s there to keep the mood up,” said Labuschagne. “Tell witty stories about how anteretrovirals turn people into witches, play showtunes on her ukulele, that sort of thing.

” However she conceded that there would be a limited bartending role for the Minister, and confirmed that Tshabalala-Msimang had been entrusted with the Pik Botha Memorial Brandy Decanter.

However she said this would be a ceremonial position and would not involve much actual drinking, “at least not until everyone goes home at five”.

She also rejected allegations that Tshabalala-Msimang would be a personal chef for President Motlanthe.

“While the Minister does make a delicious quiche using African potatoes, garlic, beetroot, olive oil, denial, belligerence and lingering death, President Motlanthe has indicated that his culinary tastes tend toward more ascetic dishes.

” She said that Motlanthe was trying to cut down on carbs, and that his diet now consisted almost entirely of stem-cells and capitalists. Labuschagne also used the opportunity to deny that

She attacked the “general belief” that Tshabalala-Msimang “only got the liver because she was Health Minister at the time, and that she pulled rank to jump the queue”.

She said the people who were calling on her to give back the organ were misguided and racist.

“There are two reasons we can’t give back the liver,” said Labuschagne. “Firstly, the only three surgeons qualified to do the operation have just emigrated to Australia. “And secondly, and more importantly, there’s the issue of a replacement donor.

We’d need to find a suitably healthy young woman, ideally one who had once supported President Mbeki, kill her, and remove her liver; and ethics approval for that kind of thing can take weeks, even for someone in the Presidency.”

Minister Tshabalala-Msimang could not be reached for comment as she was reportedly preparing a Screaming Orgasm for Jacob Zuma.