Bushbuckridge – Eight men are being sought after a single mother and her two daughters were robbed and gang-raped near Bushbuckridge, Mpumalanga police said on Friday.

Superintendent Abie Khoabane said the armed gang robbed and attacked the women in their Calcutta home on Thursday night.

“The family was sleeping when they were woken up by footsteps outside their house.

They screamed for help, but in no time the men broke down their door and entered the house.

“The robbers stole cash, household goods and cellphones before gang-raping the women,” he said.

Police were searching for the attackers.

Often children and the elderly are the victims, both male and female.

An individual or group of individuals commissions a traditional healer or inyanga to assist them by concocting muti. The victim is usually identified and ‘purchased’ via a transaction involving an often nominal amount of money.

The victim is then abducted, often at night, and taken to an isolated place, often in the open countryside if the murder is being committed in a rural area.

It is usually intended that the victim be mutilated while conscious, so that the medicine can be made more potent through the noises of the victim in agony. Mutilation does not take place in order to kill the victim, but it is expected that the victim will die of the wounds.

A famous businessman, his son and the son’s friend appeared briefly in the Bushbuckridge magistrate’s court in Mpumalanga in connection with the brutal murder of a man whose body parts were allegedly cut off for muti purposes.

The businessman, Floyd Mokoena, 58, his son Sydney Toto Mokoena, 33, and the son’s friend, Mjojo Justice Ndubane, 28, are accused of killing Clearance Brown, 25, on February 23 this year.

Mokoena senior allegedly told his son that a sangoma had advised him to bring a close relative’s body parts, including human blood, to strengthen his four businesses. He owns the Lebogang bar lounge and a restaurant in Tekamahala, as well as a bottle store and another restaurant in Oakley.

Mokoena Jnr allegedly offered his friend, Ndubane, a lot of money to help him to carry out the shocking plan. The two allegedly ambushed Brown as he was walking home from a drinking spree at a bar lounge in Oakley and offered him a lift, Mpumalanga organised crime unit spokesman Captain Leonard Hlathi says.

“They allegedly cut off the victim’s testicles, drained his blood and removed some of his bones while he was alive before throwing his body in the middle of the street,” Hlathi says.

 Sipho and his mates decided to go on an affirmative shopping trip to the East London Museum. Clearly Sipho is a lover of the fine arts, and a veritable SBG (Sophisticated Black Gentleman) culture vulture to boot when it comes to all things aesthetic, otherwise he would rather have broken into something more humdrum like a shebeen or spaza shop, right? Well, what was going to be an innocent midnight sojourn gazing at Pierneef canvasses, with the concomitant artsy banter between him and his mates as to the great painter’s neo-impressionist broad stroke style, turned into something less edifying as suddenly, The Evil White Man’s Alarm went off!

Angry, hurt and dismayed at The Evil White Man’s attempts at keeping Sipho & co down, and willfully depriving them of appreciating magnificent Africana paintings, an enraged and artistically marginalized Sipho decided to hoof it out of there – somehow he just knew those unsophisticated philistine cops will never believe his wide-eyed explanations at simply wanting to enjoy art without the din and distraction of sweating, chattering museum crowds.

Once outside, a now panic-stricken Sipho was confronted with a six foot palisade fence. He heaved, pushed and shoved with all his might, but the bars just wouldn’t budge. In the distance he could hear the roaring engines of approaching security vehicles. Overcome with a growing sense of urgency, Sipho spotted a tree near the fence. At the sight of the tree, somewhere deep in the recesses of his reptilian brain stem an ancestral, evolutionary memory stirred. From that point on, nature took over as Sipho pulled in his head, emitted a simian grunt, arched his back and went down on all fours.

Quick as a flash, he morphed into the bipedal simian life form so very close to his beast-like nature and dexterously bounded up the tree. Just beyond the palisade fence was a ten foot chain link fence. Child’s play he joyously thought. Plus, the muti I got from that sangoma will give me super powers! Lets jump both fences in one go! Sipho hunched, braced himself and with an almighty effort he leaped.

Alas, the forces of natural science so carefully enumerated by  Newton conspired against our hapless tree dweller, and instead of the magnificent orang outang style leap, Sipho semi-jumped, semi-fell out of the tree in a rather unelegant arch. Crashing earthwards like a sack of mealies, his yellowed eyes widened as he felt a sharp stinging sensation rushing up from his smelly black pooper… “ma-wheeaa!!” he screamed in surprise. The searing pain felt exactly like that he experienced a year or so before, when his cell mate Bubba coerced him into “bending for a friend” on that fateful East London prison night. “Eissh hau eina eina eina” he whimpered. Not even Bubba had such a big schlong as the object which he now had impaled himself on, wondering quietly what Bubba would say at being upstaged…

Last we heard, Sipho, was slowly (very slowly) meandering the passages and wards of the Frere state hospital, playfully squirting horrified passers-by through a tiny hole he poked in his newly fitted colostomy bag. He can’t wait to be discharged to show off this cool new party trick.

BELOW: From the Despatch (East London)

This alleged thief had to be rushed to hospital last night after being impaled on a fence.

The incident took place at the East London museum.

The suspect is alleged to have broken down the back door to the museum. The alarm went off, giving him a fright, and he ran away.

He climbed a tree and then attempted to jump over the fence. However, he lost his footing and was impaled by one of the spikes on the fence.

The man was discovered by a tow truck driver who heard his cries.

The man was taken to Frere Hospital and it is understood that he is due to undergo surgery.

One can only despair at the Byzantine machinations of the government. Shortages of skills approach 48% in some departments, leading to a deterioration in essential services to citizens of the country.

However, the government is on record as stating that meeting race quotas is more important than solving the skills crisis, with Eskom a classic example of this.

What conclusions can one draw from the importation of these skills? Will the Cubans and Tunisians be classed as blacks to fill the vacancies created by the cleansing of white skills and thereby fulfill the government’s demographic master plan?

If this is the case, may we then assume that imported Cubans and Tunisians are more desirable than native-born white South Africans?

To name a street in the heart of Durban North after Fidel Castro is a sad affirmation of this fact and intrinsic to the jeering triumphalism of the ANC.

The mother of a condemned US inmate who told an execution team”it don’t work” while while they struggled for more than a hour to inject him with lethal drugs, sued the head of Ohio’s prisons recently.

It took almost 90 minutes to carry out the execution of Joseph Clark last May. The federal lawsuit says the execution amounted to cruel and unusual punishment. In a separate lawsuit. 15 inmates are challenging the state’s lethal injection process, arguing it may cause prisoners to suffer.

WHAT THE?

A Missouri man has been arrested for possession of a hallucinogenic toad. Kansas police said David Theiss, 21 planned to get high by licking the Colorando river toads venom glands. He is accused of possessing a toad with the intention of using it as a hallucinogen. Theiss was released on bail, but the toad was kept in custody at a police crime lab.

BREAST WAY TO GET POINT ACROSS

Some Swedish woman are making waves by taking their tops off at public swimming pools in a protest against what they call gender biased rules on swim wear. About 40 woman have joined the network and staged topless protests in a least three cities. The fact that men could be bare-chested in public swimming pools, but woman couldn’t was a “concrete example of how woman have fewer rights than men”

STUNT RATTLES DRUNKEN MAN

Snake collector Matt Wilkinson of Portland stuck a 50cm rattler in his mouth to impress his ex-girlfriend. He was soon near death with a swollen tongue that blocked his throat, but doctors saved his life with a tracheotomy since they couldn’t get a breathing tube past his tongue. You can assume alcohol was involved, Wilkinson said. It happened at a barbecue with friends. Wilkinson had downed a six pack and tried to frighten his ex with the snake he’d picked up from a highway.

MAN WAKES IN AUTOPSY

A Venezuelan man who had been declared dead woke up in the morgue in excruciating pain after examiners began their autopsy. Carlos Camejo 33 was declared dead after a highway accident and taken to the morgue, where examiners began an autopsy only to realize something was amiss when he started bleeding. They quickly sought to stitch up the incision on his face. “I woke up because the pain was unbearable” Camejo said. His grieving wife turned up at the morgue to identify her husband’s body only to find him moved into the corridor- and alive!

PENIS POPS UP ON MENU

A Beijing restaurant is serving up penis platters to wealthy businessman who believe it enhancers virility. The Guolizhuang restaurant claims to be China’s only specialty penis emporium. From dog, donkey, sheep, horse, ox, seal even to the potent snake can be found on the menu. Dark shrivelled lumps, which look like liquorice allsorts, are a special treat apparently- reindeer, from Manchuria, washed down by a deer-blood and vodka cocktail. The gristly menu was dreamt up by a man called Mr Guo, now a retired octogenarian.

Apparently, penises are low in cholesterol and good for all sorts of ailments. But only for men, woman shouldn’t eat testicles. Discretion is assured as all the tables are in private rooms, some like their food served like sushi, but can be prepared anyway the customer wants it. Tiger penis is the most expensive dish on the menu, followed by bulls perineum.

This article was published in the Botswana ‘Sunday Standard’ newspaper by “Loose Canon” (sic). The article does not appear on their website www.sundaystandard.net. It appeared on page 8 of the Oct 15-21, 2006 edition on the Opinion / Analysis page of the Sunday Standard. “Loose Canon” has a weekly column.

“A President Zuma will sort out the ungrateful whites”

It is a comforting feeling to be neighbors with a big country. If you go overseas and people have never heard about your tiny country you simply say you are next to the big country. They will quickly get their bearings, pat you on the shoulder and say what a lovely country you have. As a result we have to take an interest in the affairs of Big Brother next door.

Lately things are not well there. There is a problem. The Big Lion in charge of the place is due for retirement in 2009. Everyone should be celebrating because very few leaders in this region leave office voluntarily at the close of their term limits. Anyway the impending departure of the Big Lion has set off a flurry of jostling for his position.

Who wouldn’t want the position? The president of South Africa is the most powerful on the continent. What more he doesn’t rule over blacks only but white people also answer to him. It has been like that since 1994. The one thing the blacks did when they took over was to make it clear to the whites that they won’t tolerate nonsense. They made sure they got very rich.

In itself there is nothing wrong with black people getting rich. After all it is their country. I think it is better for owners of the country to get rich as opposed to settlers. During their time in power the settlers got rich beyond their wildest dreams. Some people complain that only a few blacks are getting rich. I admit it is a matter for concern. But I have no doubt that the poor blacks will soon get rich.

Even with the whites they did not get rich all at once. In every society some have to attain wealth before others. But some of the whites are so unhappy at the loss of privilege that they are leaving the country. They can leave. Nobody invited them here in the first place.

Some of the whites are now so poor they have resorted to begging at traffic lights. The sight of white beggars gives me so much joy. Let them taste the feeling. Blacks have been begging since forever. They whites also complain about affirmative action. Who are they to complain when for many years they hired their own and treated black people like dogs?

I think the whites are spoilt. For all the bad things they did to black people they ought to be a bit more grateful. In fact they should count themselves lucky they were not shot on the day of liberation. Perhaps it’s not too late to hang a few whites at the local stadium just to remind them who is in charge. But I must admit the blacks have been nice.

On second thoughts I think our people have been stupid. For one, why didn’t they divide white woman amongst themselves? But again I don’t think it’s too late. Whites never stop complaining. They say the country is the most violent in the world.

Well they can afford to say that. For their information the violence has always been there. It’s just that when they were in power all the crime and violence was taking place in black communities. I say now that everyone is equal crime must affect all people equally. The whites say the best black president was Mandela. They have good reason to say so. Mandela spent a lot of time smiling and hugging them. I never understood Mandela.

How people deprive you off the best years of your life and yet you become so cosy with them? They must have injected the old chap with some funny drug on that island. There was a time when he even took tea with the wife of one of the ex presidents who called him a terrorist.

Coming to think of it I am surprised Mandela married the wife of Samora Machel. Such is his great love for his former oppressors I had expected him to marry the wife of John Voster.

Although the Big Lion in power hasn’t killed any whites they don’t like him. They miss Mandela. Well Mandela is not coming back and the Big Lion is on his way out. I am glad the Big Lion is paving way.

Actually I wish he would leave earlier. I have no quarrels with the man. I just want a better man in his place who will address all the wrongs of the past. Folks I think soon South Africa will have the kind of president who will once and for all sort out the whites.

In the current jostling to succeed the Big Lion, one Jacob Zuma seems headed to state house. I like Zuma. He is the guy I want as president. Zuma is a man who enjoys the best things in life. When he was vice president he realised they were not paying him enough. Hence he became friends with an Indian chap who bought him clothes and gave him money.

Some jealous blacks and their white friends called that corruption. His Indian friend was put on trial and convicted.

Zuma was then slapped with charges for being friends with the Indian. While awaiting trial he was accused of raping a young lady. It was a bad time. Zuma won the rape trial because the judge said the young woman had wanted to give it to him for free. A few weeks ago the corruption charges were also thrown out.

The people love Jacob Zuma. Zuma is a fun guy. He is ever smiling and loves singing and dancing. Now that is a funky guy to have as president. I can’t wait for him to take over. But as part of sorting out ungrateful white people I want Zuma to embark on a re-distribution exercise. I want him to distribute white woman among the long suffering black caps in South Africa.

He must first choose which white woman he wants. He can even have two. That done he must then distribute to his loyal supporters. And if there is a surplus he should distribute to his supporters in tiny neighboring states. I am one of his supporters. I look forward to the reign of President Jacob Zuma

A MOTHER of three has been viciously assaulted in a third attempted carjacking by African youths.

Lee Clayton, 51, who suffered facial injuries, bruising and
lacerations, said she feared for her life.

Ms Clayton had just left a friend’s house when two attackers tried to force her from her car at an intersection in Melton.

They tried to wrench her from the driver’s seat and one punched her in the face before they fled.

“I usually have the car doors locked, but this time I didn’t,” Ms Clayton told the Herald Sun.

“I stopped at an intersection, and I didn’t see anyone walking down a footpath … and they just came from nowhere.
“They ran at my car and started banging on the windows and undid the
driver’s side door and tried to get the car keys out of the ignition.
“When I tried to fight them off one of them punched me, and I’ve got cuts and scratch marks on my arms where they tried to grab me.”
The attack happened about 1.20am on Tuesday, just minutes from Ms Clayton’s Melton home.

Last Friday a gang of African youths tried to carjack two vehicles in Carlton. A female driver and her male passenger were showered in glass after the youths threw bricks through car’s windows.
In the other attack, a car was set upon after a man pulled over to answer a mobile phone call.
Ms Clayton said she would think twice about getting behind the wheel late at night again.
“I thought that if they got me out of the car I was in big trouble.
“The police have fingerprinted my car and it’s sitting in my driveway, but I don’t want to go near it, to tell you the truth.
“You’d think you should be safe in your car to come home at any time. But apparently not these days.”